Cultivating a Joyful Marriage
Reasons why to cultivate a joyful marriage:
Protection against adultery (Proverbs 5:1-19).
The wise man warns the young man to avoid the adulterous woman, and instead live joyfully with his wife.
Mental Health - many studies show that healthy marriage increases mental health.
Physical Health and Well-being - studies also show that those who are married live longer. Furthermore, with a world filled with chaos, it is good to come home to a peaceful and joyful home.
To see how to develop a joyful marriage, I will first look at God’s example in the Old Testament. God presents himself as a husband to Israel. Israel is his wife. Speaking of Israel as his wife, God makes reference to rejoicing over her as a man rejoices over his wife. As an example of how we can have joy in our marriages, we will see how God treats Israel, as he rejoices over her.
Commit to Each Other
Isaiah 62:4-5 Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken; neither shall thy land any more be termed Desolate: but thou shalt be called Hephzibah, and thy land Beulah: for the LORD delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married.5For as a young man marrieth a virgin, so shall thy sons marry thee: and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee.
In the first verse of Isaiah 62, God says that he will not rest until Zion is shining forth. God is committed to Zion’s well-being. The same in marriage, couples must commit to each other. Here, in verse 4, he declares to her that she is no longer forsaken, but that her land would be married. God says he rejoices over Zion like how a bridegroom rejoices over the bride. We find many gems in this. We see that for a joyful marriage, we must accept our spouse, not abandoning them. God accepted Zion as his wife and took pleasure in her. God restlessly took care of Zion’s well being. In marriage, we must do the same. Commit to our spouse by accepting them and working hard for their well-being.
Committing to each other involves accepting each other and working hard for each other’s well-being.
Accept each other
Don’t dream of the possibility of marrying someone else.
Accept your husband or wife as the person to whom you are married.
Your spouse should never feel forsaken or rejected by you because you accept him or her with all the strengths and faults.
Take pleasure in your spouse’s well-being.
This is not about whether they are perfect or live up to everything, but it is about the decision and commitment you have made.
Work hard to make it work
God said he would not rest until Israel, his wife, was everything they could be (Isaiah 62:1)
Give yourself no rest until your commitment is the best that it can be.
Give your all to your spouse.
Never let your spouse feel ashamed, abandoned, alone, or rejected.
Isaiah 54:4-6 Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more. 5For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. 6For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.
Here in Isaiah 54, we see similar themes. God told Israel not to be ashamed because she is no more a widow or a forsaken wife. Rather, God said he is her husband. God accepted Israel even though she was refused. When we accept our spouse, despite their faults and failures, we break shame and fear from our union. Shame and fear bring division. If your spouse is afraid or feels ashamed around you, then intimacy will not grow. But when there is freedom of fear because of the comfort of being accepted, this brings joy in the marriage.
Show Kindness
Isaiah 54:8, 10 In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer.10For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the LORD that hath mercy on thee.
God told Israel that he was their husband. He had fully accepted her as his wife. Therefore, God said he would be kind to them because he had received them as his wife. God made a promise that his kindness would never depart from Israel.
To have a happy marriage, it is necessary to show kindness to each other. Be kind with your words, time, ability, compassion, and energy. Husbands show kindness to your wife with compliments and by treating her respectfully. Colossians 3:19 says Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Wives show kindness to your husband in your care and service to him. Look over his faults and treat him like a king.
Spend Time with Each Other
Deuteronomy 24:5 When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.
Spending time with each other is so important that in the Old Testament God permitted the newly married Israeli men to be free from fighting in wars, and from other nationwide duties, so he can spend time bringing joy to his wife. Spending time together could range from talking to each other, doing activities together, to just being next to each other even with no words.
Husbands give time to listen to your wife and spend memorable times with her. Wives, support your husband in his endeavors.
Celebrate Each Other’s Physique
Proverbs 5:18-19 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.19Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
Ancients admired the strength and beauty of the deer, the loving hind and pleasant roe. So the first part of this proverb is telling the young man to recognize the beauty of his wife, like how you can see the physique of the deer. In other words, the scripture is telling the young men to celebrate the beauty of their mate.
To have joy in marriage, celebrate the beauty and the strength of your spouse. Husbands celebrate the beauty of your wife and don’t stop. In marriage, people change over time and looks may change. But you can find beauty and strength in your spouse at all times. I don’t think of beauty when I see a deer, but some from a different time and culture did. Since you are committed to your spouse, make a commitment to recognize the beauty or strength in him or her.
Ladies provide the motivation, encouragement, and words to make him the strongest he can be. Men express your wife’s beauty as much as possible so that she shines like a diamond.
Enjoy Each Other's Body
Proverbs 5:19 9Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
Definitely, time should be taken for sexual intimacy. You cannot fully enjoy your marriage without sex. Everything that needs to be done should be done so that sexual enjoyment can take place.
Celebrate Each Other's Love
Proverbs 5:19 9Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
Wherever your wife or your husband shows love, recognize, and celebrate it. I appreciate Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages. They are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
While you may prefer a particular love language, endeavor to recognize and celebrate where your spouse expresses love in any area; in fact, get consumed with it. In marriage, it is best when we focus on giving, not receiving. Intensely recognizing where your spouse shows love will increase the give and take in your marriage.
So, even if your preference is words of affirmation, celebrate his acts of service to you, and the gifts that he gives. If your preference is physical touch, celebrate her words of affirmation, and the quality time she spends with you. Don’t dismiss the loyalty of your mate, it may be the way that they are showing love. Recognize and celebrate it. When you do so you build joy in the marriage and open the door for satisfaction in your love language.
When you put these elements into practice, it brings joy to your marriage. Commit to each other, show kindness, spend time together, celebrate each other’s physique, enjoy each other’s body, celebrate each other’s love and the grace of God will cause your marriage to abound with joy.