Reviving Your Marriage

In this episode, we discuss: - Signs that a married couple have lost or are losing their emotional connection - Destructive behavior in a marriage - How to begin restoring the emotional connection in a marriage - The dangers of blaming, and the need to take responsibility

Highlights

Reviving the Emotional Bond in Marriage

Is Your Marriage in an Emotional Wreck?

Signs of Trouble in a Marriage

• Lack of Romance

• Lack of meaningful conversation or interaction

• Unusual behavior or significant changes

• Either the spouse feels that his or her emotional needs are not being met,

• Bitterness grows because of unmet needs

• A spouse is neglecting to fulfill the need of their partner

• Destructive behavior - an affair, request for divorce, deserting the home, verbal or physical abuse

Despite what the situation is when a couple realizes that their marriage needs help, there can be repair, there can be healing. The fires of affection can again be kindled, and the marriage bond made whole. Not only can healing occur, but also the relationship can be made stronger than ever, if the couple is willing to take responsibility, and start giving to each other.

Overall, four basic things must take place to bring revival to a troubled marriage They are: stop blaming; start taking responsibility, start listening, and start giving. With patience, if these steps are taken a couple can again thread their emotional bond to wholeness - even if there has been an affair.

Stop Blaming

• Blaming focuses on accusing the other person instead of taking responsible action to restore the relationship and solve the problem.

• Problems in marriage often due to faults and weaknesses in both spouses.

• A spouse’s destructive action may have exposed the problems in a marriage, but often the other spouse may have been doing things or neglecting to do things that have added to the negativity in the relationship.

• Stop blaming means that each spouse takes responsibility for what they have done or neglected to do.

• Even if a spouse had no faults, stop blaming, means to focus on taking responsible action.

Start Taking Responsibility

1. Your responsibility to God. Check to see if you have fallen short in applying God’s word. If you are not loving your spouse, if you are committing adultery in your heart, if you are disrespecting your partner, you are not obeying God. When we are selfish, and unyielding to God’s will for us as a husband or wife, we must first realize that we are disobeying God.

2. Evaluate Yourself to see if you have been showing proper care to your spouse

   1. Husbands

      1. Have you been providing for your home?

      2. Have you been honoring your wife?

      3. Have you been affectionate in your words and actions?

      4. Have you been loyal emotionally and physically?

   2. Wife

      1. Have you been fulfilling your husband's sexual desire?

      2. Have you been respecting him?

      3. Have you been providing the proper domestic support (taking care of and managing the home)?

      4. Are you being his companion, his helpmeet?

      5. Are you loyal to him emotionally and spiritually?

• Have you (wife and husband) been doing things that are destructive to your mate or your relationship?

• Have you been doing things that frustrate him or her?

If any of the answers to the above questions reveal a lack of care on your part, then now is the time to face up to them, and make changes where needed. You will certainly need to talk to your spouse, and sincerely apologize for your lack of care, and promise to make changes. Allow your spouse to voice their feelings of dissatisfaction without becoming defensive or argumentative. In some cases, you may need the help of a pastor, or a mature Christian friend or counselor to help you with your issue, and or to mediate between you and your spouse.

After sincerely searching yourself, occasionally you may find no fault of your own. This does not necessarily mean you did not contribute to the current problem; notwithstanding, even if you were truly without fault, you still need to take responsible actions to restore the emotional intimacy in your marriage.

1. Take Responsible Action

   1. By lovingly confronting your spouse,

If you know that your spouse has been engaged in destructive behavior, then instead of focusing on blaming, focus on taking responsible action. First,by  lovingly confront your spouse about the issue, and making it clear that you want steps to be taken to restore the marital bond.

2. By confiding in a Pastor, or a mature Christian friend.

This brings in an objective party who has experience in a faithful marriage, and the biblical and spiritual insight to guide you and your spouse in restoration.

3. By lovingly and sternly requesting that you and your mate submit to counseling.

• Do not avoid taking responsibility because of self-blame, or in the name of peace.

• One loving and decisive step can make all the difference in your relationship.